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# Day 1 - Night

The second night without Jaxon was harder than the first, but I guess I expected it would be.
Brad slept by my feet again, so that was some comfort, and my wife has been incredibly supportive.

I slept facing my wife for a while, but woke up facing Jaxon's side. 
He used to groom my hand until it was all clean, something I will miss for a long time to come. 

# Day 2

I cried plenty in the shower, remembering all the stupid things Jaxon would do.
I've added a list of [nicknames](../README.md#nicknames) to the front page, I'd like to remember as many as I can.

He would always be *very* upset when I emerged from the shower with my scent gone.
Sometimes he would nap while waiting.

![shower](../images/shower.jpg)

It's my first day working from home without him, and it's a little tough without my usual project manager. 
Even if he was *usually* sleeping on the keyboard, he would otherwise sit in the weirdest positions to be close to me.

![helper](../images/helper.jpg)

Unfortunately we weren't able to go for a walk before Bennet's nap, but I think we will be able to go this afternoon.

I still get weepy from time to time when I encounter a new "first" without him.

When preparing lunch (leftover brats) it occurred to me that when I originally grilled them, Jaxon was still with us.
I don't know why, but the thought hurt a lot. To think again of the happy memories we had just days before he passed.

I know it will get easier, but part of me wants to stay sad forever. That to do otherwise would mean I loved him less.  
But I know that's not true, that it will heal, and that he would want me to be happy again.

![hope](../images/hope.jpg)

The evening went very well. I was able to put down Bennet without being overcome by the anxiety of Jaxon meowing at the door.  
Brad has been upstairs and very affectionate, which has also been very helpful.

Jaxon was always very interested in climbing around and being obnoxious while Nicole and I watched TV at night. 
It was nice to be able to enjoy a show, but also a little lonely.

Brad was very unimpressed with our choices of snacks, as he could not partake of them. As it turns out, leftover 
Panang Curry isn't his favorite.

[Day 3](2020-04-09.md)