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# Day 3 - Night
The fourth night without Jaxon went well. I was able to face my wife (until our son woke up at 12:30).
I slept in my son's nursery from 12:30-4:30, attempted my escape, failed, then slept from 4:30-5:30 before making it
back to the room.
# Day 4
The fourth day without Jaxon is going well so far. I'm home with Bennet, who is *very* cuddly today.
Today (and most of last night) has been a different dynamic.
Fewer tears, but instead periods of intense sadness, maybe some numbness. When I have specific memories of Jaxon that
pop up, rather than tearing up or crying it becomes a wave of sobering nothingness.
I can't decide if it's better or worse than tears, but it's probably better because it doesn't last very long usually.
Jaxon and my son used to talk about the fish, though I think they had some differing opinions...
The rest of the day went well, Bennet napped while I took a break. We all went on a walk to the gas station nearby for ice cream.
Thankfully, I think this is going to be a short entry.
[Day 5](2020-04-11.md)
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